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Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
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When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
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Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
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When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
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Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
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Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
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My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
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Everything that can be invented has been invented.